At a truckstop somewhere in Ohio, I was in a bathroom stall and kept overhearing, from the stall next to me, a child who must have pooped his pants and his very understanding-sounding father.
Kid: I'M SOOOOORRRY!!
Dad: It's okay, you're not in trouble. You're just sick.
Kid: I'VE GOT DIARRHEA BECAUSE I LICKED THE FLOOR AT SCHOOL!!!
Dad: Well, that could have done it.
Kid: (accusatorily) YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BROUGHT ME TO SCHOOL!!!
Later...
Dad: Well... you're definitely going to need a shower when we get home.
Kid: I DON'T WANT AN ENEMA!!!
Dad: I said shower, not enema.
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